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You Couldn't Make It Up Jobs


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Been to a couple;

Called to rescue a girl who was stuck in a pampass grass bush, transpired the girl was a figment of a drug addicts imagination, but why we still continued to massacre the bush looking for this girl still befuddles me. 

Also called to a kitchen fire that started after a dog that was shut in the kitchen turned the hob on that proceeded to set fire to an iron that was left on said hob (pooch was ok).

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Not funny at the time but afterwards we had a laugh.  

Was called to assist ambulance after reports of a mother who had killed all 3 of her children and stashed them in the loft.  We had to access the loft.  We were all absolutely bricking it when it came to opening the loft hatch.  As in the films, the loft light didn't work and it was darker than dark.  I suggested we play paper, scissors, stone to see who went up with what was the old bardic torches (not renowned for their brightness!) but was shot down very quickly.... 'you're the sprog, so its your job'.....nice one! 

I have never felt so anxious in my life.  Anyway, turns out mother suffered with schizophrenia and didn't even have any kids.  

  • Haha 1
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  • 4 weeks later...

Alan reminded me.

Dispatched to a smell of (natural) gas in a structure at a rural subdivision.  The owner (and children) had evacuated the house.  As I did a quick walk around I caught a whiff of something while crews cleared the house with the gas detector (nothing found).  While interviewing the owner, she could not describe the odour she was concerned about very well.  My last question was "Did she know what a skunk smelled like?".  Answer, you guessed it... city people living in the country.

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Not really sure why it warranted the fire service attendance, but in about 2003 I spent an hour on a very cold day between Xmas and the New Year chasing an African Grey parrot around a field from tree to tree.   Eventually it felt sorry for us and let a ff grab it from its perch on a branch.  Actually thinking back, from the sounds of pain issued by the ff and the sight of the large beak on this bird clamped round his thumb, I would say that the parrot grabbed hold of him.  The owner's very expensive present to himself had escaped when his son left the door ajar and wouldn't have survived the nighttime frost.

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I heard of a parrot rescue in Ledbury. Parrot had been up the top of a very tall tree for two days and wouldnt come down. RSPCA attended and decided to get the local crew out.  The crew tried their 13.5 ladder but it wouldnt reach. So they made up for Herefords ALP. ALP arrived, set up, got about 4 feet from the parrot when it decided to fly off into the distance. I was listening to the radio messages and you could hear the ( i assume sprogs ) sniggers when he informed control that the parrot had self rescued

Edited by Luminoki
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Called to a man stuck in a tumble dryer. Sure enough, he was, feet first, up to his shoulders looking at the ceiling.

Other watches attended this address previously, man stuck in a kitchen carousel.

Turned out, person had a sleeping disorder.

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As the time approached for the abolition of the Greater London Council (a punative measure in the Thatcher v Livinstone era) , a political decision was made by the GLC that the LFB would attend every 999 call - however trivial. The idea was to show how much the GLC would be missed by Londoners . It soon became clear how much crap our ConOffs had been filtering for years.

I personally attended a broken down washing machine which had 'trapped' someone's underwear, and we helped someone search for a radiator bleed screw that they'd dropped , while they kept their finger in the resultant hole in the radiator. 

There's more,  but I won't list them. It was regrettable that we were dragged into a wholly political row and frustrating to be sent out on such nonsense.

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  • 1 month later...
On 06/09/2017 at 23:24, Carl said:

I still get questioned about this incident where crews attended a "Ghost Siting". Not me personally I might add ;)

"Ghost siting."

Where you leave your crews to pitch a ladder and they do a crap pitch, in the wrong place and no one will admit to it. xD

I went to a shout of "Kitten under floorboards". We ripped up every floor board, took out all of her kitchen units and were just about to punch holes in her walls when the occupant found kitty asleep under her bed.

Called by RSPCA to cap up a tree. The cat was way up in the spindley tops of the tree so we decided to hit kitty with a jet and catch it in a tarp. We hit the cat with the jet and where it went is still a mystery.

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33 minutes ago, Firestorm said:

"Ghost siting."

Yes, should have been "sighting", my mistake :$

33 minutes ago, Firestorm said:

Called by RSPCA to cap up a tree.

Touche ;) Was it a flat cap or a baseball cap?

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  • 5 months later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Saw one in the news a while back that was a small kitchen fire caused by light refracting through an empty Nutella jar (tip of the hat to FIT for identifying that!).

Once in a while we’ll get called to the A&E department at the Royal Free to cut a ring off of the old “11th finger”..

There was one mature Irish nurse who took pleasure in reprimanding the chap for his indiscretion!

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